Ouch...this pain is killing me

....so the pain has set in and is apparently here to stay. I am struggling! i have enough depression issues maybe relationships arent something i can be good at. I try to hard or not enough, i never when i should hold back or give my all. everytime i have given my all i ended up with more than a broken heart my soul felt crushed. its not so much the same this time cause i know its been over and this has been coming but im not prepared for all this change. im scared to death and i dont know how to even begin to control it. im so tired of crying and hurting, im done with putting my heart out there. so i wasted 10 years, just thinking that makes me sick to my stomach. i dont get men or relationships or myself for that matter so from now on its just me. Im just going to focus on me and the people that love me and show me that i am important. what else can i do???