...as i lay in bed miserable cause it just hit me that i was loved. i know i was, in my heart and soul and everywhere else that matters i was. and somewhere somehow that love that was so good and whole just went away. I was good at love, i made it important and i made the person i loved a promise and i kept it. i never strayed and i always showed it even when i wasnt given it and for all the effort and time and passion i gave it didnt matter and it still doesnt cause its gone.
what did i do that i couldnt keep it? i swear i tried. at least i know for a not-so-short while i had love in my heart it felt better than any substance ever could. i weep for anyone that hasnt had this and i weep for myself cause there is no certainty that i will ever love again. right now i dont even love myself. (which is probably an answer to many of my previous questions.) ive lost so many different loves.... friends, family, but this. this is the love i chose for myself it fit me and for a long time we fit together. i had a family, not in the traditional sense but it was my family and i feel like its been forever since ive come home and they arent there. yeah it was just a dog and a man who seem to fit me perfect and they were mine and i would have given anything for them so why is it gone? and why do i feel so empty? i cant believe im letting this out for the world to see but who really reads these things anyway?
im so scared that all the love i have in my heart will never find its rightful owner. i know its suppose to be me but thats a different kind of love and its what i wake up with and fight these demons that i have everyday, but the love in my heart that has no home is something that i know shines so bright and gives endlessly. it comforts and heels and i know there is nothing like it. it hurts me that i have it to give but no one to give it to. i know so many that dont have any love to give or have given it to the wrong people so much its died within them. but mine hasnt. i will never stop showing the people that love me i love them but this love i have that will be reserved for one special person deserves a home only for it....
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