I AM FUCKING PATHETIC

you know what else i can do??? stop bitching and fucking get over it, this was no surprise. i cant believe im letting something like this hurt me with all the other crap i have been through i mean ive been punched square in the face like i was trying steal his wallet and i did nothing. I am going to wake up tomorrow and see what tomorrow will bring me. I'm going to pray it brings me some peace of mind and maybe a little fun, a good friend to share some laughs with. I'm not picky and I dont think i deserve anything spectacular im no where near perfect, but im loving and generous. I treat people with respect and I dont believe in holding onto emotions or lieing to make yourself look like someone your not. TO be honest i think im being self indulgent and just plain silly for writing this blog. Why would I believe that I am so self important that people will want to read what I think im contributting to this world or relationships I have. Maybe its helping me some. I do lack a certain amount of confidence so I really dont believe people want to hear what I want to say. I don't think I have anything smart enough to warrant a reaction and I generally don't want the reaction. I am going to say something....im afraid of death and all but really sometimes i dont want to wake up. No one will have to worry about me, and maybe theres a chance this pain in the pit of my stomach since i can remember will go away. I just want a little happiness. Something I can trust in. I promise I won't take it for granted. I want to trust myself. If i can't have just a little of these things how can I go on??? i dont want to be one of those people always searching and settling. I want the real thing....i want to feel complete then find someone to share that completeness with. I never thought i deserved kids like im to selfish or something but I would like to love something so completely nothing can kill it. You can't love a man like that cause then u fuck his friend cause his dicks bigger and suddenly he don't make you complete
anymore but with a child, that love grows stronger everyday and if you can have a relationship that you can share the experience of raising a human to be compassionate and smart with common sense and respect. Thats a bond that should never be broken.
What am I even talking about??? Let me get straight what I just preached about "loving myself enough to love someone else completely and enough to have kids with them that grow up to be happy and healthy" yeah i gotta go to bed im apparently dream blogging.....