I'm weary....

tears to dream
only to wake to tears.
again and again
sometimes i feel my heart growing stronger
but those times are fleeting and followed by stronger times of pain and hurt
ive been hurt by those ive known for so long i thought they couldnt hurt me but they did and harder and so unexpected
ive been hurt in short times by people whose words seemed so real that it almost seemed that they knew what i was feeling directly inside only to realize that those words were being used for some reason or another mostly to use me or my body for their pleasures
is trust something bought by fools cause right now i feel a fool i dont feel i can trust anyone fully
everyone hurts you at some point
even your family, your closest friends, strangers they are all hurt you and even yourself
i hurt myself to stop the pain inflicted by others
im tired of hurting, im tired of being used for the nothing i even have
just once i want to be loved or even cared for wholly, just for me because of me maybe thats just a fleeting thought too
maybe i dont deserve it who knows these things, but i am tired.
almost too tired.

i hate when its right in.....

....right in front of your face and you don't realize it, i just have to let go of the things that are bringing me down and set them free. im not attached to them by blood. i hold my friendships and relationships very dear but i realize when im on the only one trying to holding this pairing together something has to sacrifice and it wont be me.